130. Saying No — Aneel Aranha

Hello and welcome to The Hope Podcast. I’m Aneel Aranha. Today, we will talk about how we should have confidence in ourselves and not pander to other people.

Have you ever been part of a conversation and not spoken your mind because you didn't want to offend someone? Or did you say yes when you wanted to say no? Or have you offered to undertake a task despite having a full schedule? You might be a *people pleaser* and that is not a very good thing. 

We all want to be loved, appreciated, and admired, but this shouldn't come at the expense of our self-respect, integrity, and happiness. We compromise on all of them whenever we say or do things we don't want to say or do—or vice versa. 

God likes humility, not self-disparagement. Besides, not standing up for what we believe to be right can have bad consequences, ranging from the tacit approval of slander and giving in to improper advances to implicit participation in world evils like genocide. 

So, what do we do? As with every bad habit, the first step is developing awareness and acknowledging people-pleasing behavior. The second step is deciding not to engage in such behavior anymore. This is only possible by developing a solid sense of who we are. We need to know and understand our core values: what we believe in and stand for. For the Christian, this is primarily influenced by the teachings of Christ. However, we need to be convinced that what he teaches is true. We cannot change behavior patterns unless we are sure of what we believe. If we don't think there is anything wrong with gossip, for instance, we will not be inclined to tell people we don't do it, much less tell *them* not to do it! 

Then, it is simply a matter of practice, beginning with learning to say "No." This is harder than it looks because we want to appear accommodating to people's needs. However, we need to remember —and respect — our own needs. And, more importantly, our values. We don't have to give in to other people's demands (or even wishes) if we are not inclined to. Women, take special note. No is a harsh word, but we can find ways of saying it in a kinder way.

Like everything else, we will fail, but let us not beat ourselves up when we do. We must keep at it until we can stand up for our beliefs. We will soon discover that we don't need to be validated by others; we obtain our worth from what lies within us. And, then, we will be on our road to victorious living. 
 
God bless you.